I am girl not very girly., at least not among the ones who played with soft toys (yeah, but I like soft toys), the one who who could walk on my Indian roads at 2 am without shivering and shuddering (I have done that quite a few times!)., I mean I am one of those bold ones, a look at me and you would mistake me to have an unsurmountable attitude., you know what I mean, right? . Not very girly.;-) Anyways, the point I wanted to make here is ‘LOVE’ was always something , I never ever could express. I was always like , “okay, I know you love me, but not the kisses and hugs, please”..Everybody and everything that would express its love for me, was always retaliated with a very mediocre expression..am bad at taking compliments too..Same thing with God’s love. I know, since childhood, that God loves me, God cares for me, God gave HIS only SON, GOD created sun and moon for me….that , this and that…but never ever took it seriously. I thought that there were better jobs to do as Christians, you know, like , rebuking the devils..??!!
But these days, life is getting really stressful.. really demanding. Prayer life is dwindling, time spent in meditation is too less (well , that is an understatement!). Hurtful experiences, mostly my fault, partly others’. Negative vibes, negative thoughts, wrong places to be in adding on to the decrease (and no presence) of godly people around you, everything just sucks the life out you, you see. Travelling back home is the only time , I find myself with the Lord , mostly quarrelling and complaining.
“No, you don’t love, Tell me, do you? Lord, why , why, why? Do you really love me? How can you love me? Of-course you , don’t . Do you really love me?” I don’t know how long I have been doing this. For the past 3 or 4 months? I don’t remember..”Why this pain? Why this delay? Why denial? Why, why , why??” Oooff, any mortal who would wear me down with such words even for a week, I would chop his head off..But God can’t do that, can HE? Because HE is so good. And that’s why this dirty attitude.. I could not believe that I, who thought that LOVE is not so hip and happening when compared to other realms of a Christian life, was now was on my knees begging for an apt WORD…something special… or just something different should happen in my mundane life that would prove (despite the great story of the Cross) that HE loved me (yeah, so I am a mortal here wanting to be told that I am loved).
I mean guys, if any of you are going through this, I tell you, that being ignorant of HIS LOVE, is the most hopeless situation, most darkest of all feelings. And you know why I call this hopeless and darkest? Because we keep failing to understand and know HIS LOVE… One thing has to be strong and unshakable in a Christian life is the fact that “GOD LOVES ME”.. and would request everyone of you to read as “ME” because we always think ” oh, God loves everybody, I am just one in the bunch of people”. NO..!! Creation in all its beauty would not have been any less even if you were the one and only soul on the entire face of the earth and universe..!!! God would still come down to take the cross even if you were the only one who sinned (do I need to tell the story of the lost sheep?)..So guys, and me, specially ” GOD LOVES ME”
During times when I asked and did not have the strength to ask God to tell me that HE loved me, God has been faithful and unfailing in sending me words of comfort and love (of course!).
Here I share with you what God had sent me in my inbox through my favorite DAVID WILKERSON. Please read and find comfort, just the way I did.
The only time God’s patience runs out with us is when we refuse again and again to accept how much he loves us. Many Christians today have been turned back into a wilderness of their ownmaking. They have no joy, no victory. To look at them, you’d think God had forsaken them years ago. No—he has simply turned them over to their own complaining and murmuring.
Thank God, Joshua and Caleb entered into the Promised Land. And they stood as green trees in God’ house until their dying days. They were men of power and vision because they know they were precious to God.
You also are precious to the Lord, in spite of your problems and failures. You can be a green tree in God’s house just as Joshua and Caleb were.
Simply stand on what God’s Word promises: “He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me” (Psalm 18:19).
That is the foundation of true faith!